I still can’t believe that you are gone. The warm hug and smile are so fresh in my heart and mind. I see them all the time. Your funny stories and jokes are so fresh like the lilies in the sea. You watched me as I began to sit, crawl, stand, walk and eventually run. You were present on my first day to boarding school in Primary 1. You saw me in my best and worst moments. You wiped away the mucus off my nose and the tears off my cheeks. I can’t forget your old wrinkled academic reports. You exposed them to inspire us all. You kept assuring us how you went to school so that we could do the same. You were such an inspiration.
Time passed by and soon I was in secondary school. I remember you hitting my buttocks real hard after reading a letter addressed to me from some boy in the neighborhood. He was promising me heaven on earth. And even though I tried to defend myself, you just couldn’t stop hitting me. You were so angry with me. From then on, I learnt that having a boyfriend while in school was a bad thing. And so, I studied all the way until college and met my gorgeous man.
On my graduation day, you were the happiest woman. You couldn’t believe that your little girl had finally graduated. Yes, I can’t forget the way you waggled your waist that day. You even failed to eat. You had so much joy.
And lately, you were demanding for my WEDDING :-) You kept asking me when I would walk down the aisle. You were very excited. I promised you that you will live to see that day. But on the 22nd of July when we took you to the hospital, you seemed normal like any other patient. We had so much hope that you would get discharged. You always kept your smile on even through the pain. We never expected death at all. We all knew we would have you back. The fateful day, 22nd August came and you breathed your last. I remember touching your cold feet and they would move no normal. Your smile and warm hug were no more. You were gone. I am not your biological child but you were truly my MOTHER. My guardian. You raised me up with so much love and care. When everything went wrong, your home was open. Your heart was open but most of all, your arms were open. I miss you MUM.
I cannot tell you my work stress anymore. I can’t tell you my love drama anymore.
Even though everybody says, life has to go on, in my heart, it has failed. How do I move on without you? How do I make all my plans without telling you? It is so hard mum. Can’t you see that?
I know you’re in a better place. You were an angel. You must be up there dazzling in white and seated under Jesus’ feet. I love you mum and always will. It is hard but I hope to meet you in heaven.